Why I Impersonate Ann-Margret: She's every man's fantasy and every
woman's dream and so am I when I`m in drag! Maybe not EVERY mans
fantasy but come on ladies, which of you would not like to be a
man, at least sometimes? When I impersonate Ann-Margret, it`s like
having it all. A high powered professional career by day and a smoldering
sex kitten after dark. After starting my drag career in the "Big
Easy", I thought that I had seen it all. Little did I know that
the fun was just about to began. In 1986 a friend of mine was putting
together a drag show and asked me to perform in it. By that time
I was a seasoned professional, performing regular style drag. A
week before the show my friend suggested that I impersonate Ann-Margret.
My first response was Ann-who??? Then it came to me...Bye Bye Birdie,
Carnal Knowledge, Viva Las Vegas, Who Will Mind My Children. Really,
you think that I could pull it off? Then I figured, why not, she`s
super sexy, gorgeous, dynamic, alluring, ultra feminine, sensual,
a true professional. Her radiant smile and dazzling personality
have captivated audiences everywhere. With so much in common, this
impersonating thing will be a piece of cake. After all, I had a
week, no problem! And what a week it was. I spent every waking minute
and many nights finding just the right wig, searching for the perfect
wardrobe, renting videos, which I watched repeatedly, studying her
gestures, hand movements, facial features, walk, EVERYTHING! (I
watched Ann-Margret push Elvis Presley into a pool in Viva Las Vegas
so often that I developed an aversion to swimming that lasted for
years) The night of the show arrived it went off without a hitch.
But I realized that this Ann-Margret thing would take a little more
time. (kind of like building an air craft carrier, i.e. you just
don`t do this over night, if you know what I mean). But there was
something about her, that intrigued me. What gets me about her,
is that sexiness that she always exudes, whether she's on stage
live or in a movie setting. Interestingly enough when you meet her,
you find her to be shy, quiet and very demure. I guess the dichotomy
can be summed up as The Tiger Lady on Stage.... The Girl Next Door
off Stage, tender, caring, and concerned for friends and fans alike.
|Being a female impersonator is akin (at
least for me) to being a magician. In other words, I am performing
an illusion before you and making you believe what you see, just like
the magician deceives you, because his hand is faster than your eye.
Engrafting on that is the whole feminine illusion. The audience is
caught in a juxtaposition. Their eyes tell them that they see a woman,
yet their mind knows that underneath it all, it`s a man. Being able
to look like a woman is fun, but nothing compares with the exhilaration
of being on stage impersonating one of the worlds sexist women.
|The Fabulous Fakes: In 1995 I became associated with
a group of celebrity female impersonators known as The Fabulous Fakes.
It's a troupe of celebrity look a likes and we've done shows all over
the New York, New Jersey area. We've run the gamut from fund raisers,
birthday parties,private parties and charity events. The group consists
of 10 performers and the balance of them have worked in Atlantic City
and New York style reviews before landing in the Fakes. Our producer
is Gary Cosgrove. He has a flair for the production end of things
and does a good job on organizing the shows.
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF FEMALE IMPERSONATION I Know Exactly What You're
Thinkin`...Why does a grown man put on a dress, lip synch to a song
and parade around on stage impersonating a movie star ? Because
it's fun... that's why! The most fun that you can have with your
clothes on. And what clothes they are..gorgeous feathers, sequins,
luxurious furs, exquisite jewelry, not to mention luscious locks
that you take to the salon to get coifed once a month. It`s not
hard to trade the boring business suit and briefcase for all that
glitz and glamour. This girl can be ready to be wined and dined
at a moments notice. All I need is a bit of powder and paint, a
date bra and a low cut dress gets a nice dinner. I love watching
them stare at my chest all evening, while tantalizing them. It`s
so much fun! Remember this, we are all born naked, after that, the
rest is just drag darlin'. Appearing on stage can be loads of fun,
but it does have its ridiculous moments too. I mean there you are
all beautiful, looking just like the star you are supposed to be
and all the audience wants to know is..... Where Do You Hide It
? You know, it just figures. They are more concerned about your
"pendage" than how close you look to the star you are impersonating.
Then of course, follows my all time favorite question... Are You
Gay ? To which I always respond.... Well, I am very happy ! Getting
back to the lighter side. I always thought it would be a great premise
for a talk show, to have the impersonators come out, followed by
the real star(s). Then the impersonator and the star(s) get into
a mock "cat fight" as to which one looks more real... The star or
the impersonator. I mean lets face it, afternoon television is getting
somewhat boring. There is just so much one can take of "Someone's"
Book Club. The last thing I think well all need,is some self anointed
conscience of America telling us what books she thinks we should
all be reading.
|SOME MORE DRAG HUMOR Impersonating women can be a real
scream. Have you ever tried to figure out the sizing of their clothing?
It's a mystery, wrapped inside of an enigma, all tied up in the Gordian
Knot ! First we have juniors, followed by, misses... then we have
petities followed by women's. We have even numbered sizes, followed
by odd numbered sizes. Then we have Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer
and this jackassified notion that you can't wear white after Labor
Day ! I'd like to meet the moron that proclaimed that one ! Now lets
turn to makeup for a moment... Shall We ? Just when you've found the
perfect blush, lipstick, or makeup that really works for you, it's
taken off of the market. Now, why does that happen you might ask?
Well, the only answer I can come up with ,is that cosmetics companies
are run by escaped asylum patients ! Meanwhile "back at the ranch"
you're left hanging at the whim of some cosmetics company executive...and
he has never worn make-up!
FOOTWEAR Now here's another complete mystery. Why do drag queens
and for that matter women stuff their feet into something that is
too small and sits at an angle that the human foot was not made
to walk at ? Because it looks sexy that's why! Ah yes... Knock Me
Over and Fuck Me Pumps. What Queen can resist? Here is a little
point of info for all you "girls" out there. If ever you are at
an affair and you see a beautiful woman, who you suspect is a drag
queen,but you just aren't sure if she`s a he, here's how you solve
the dilemma. If its a queen she/he will have on the sexiest looking
shoes you ever saw and she/he will keep them on all night. The real
woman will either have on sensible shoes or no shoes at all! Leave
it to women. I always wanted to do a talk show, but instead of the
topic being, HELP MY MOTHER NEEDS A MAKEOVER.... it should be....
HELP MY MOTHER NEEDS A MAKEOVER FROM A DRAG QUEEN, QUICK!!! Now
there's a talk show with a slightly twisted format... don't you
think ? Well, all I can tell you Sports Fans.... is that drag sure
is a lot of fun and it's a lot like life. It gets nuttier as time
goes on. But the interesting thing is, just when you think you've
got it figured out one of two things happens. Either your dead or
Hillary Clinton says she's going to run for the Senate. Please don't
let me get started on that ONE! Just remember these important words
to live by: The Female Impersonator is a Man, which is a fact. Until
he recreates himself as a beautiful woman, which is an illusion.
However of the two (fact versus illusion) the illusion is the truer.